Lana Del Rey recently 'tanked' on Saturday Night Live [link]. Now it seems like here entire team + operation will undergo a COMPLETE OVERHAUL to attempt to save her career. After sourcing some listicle fodder from the OFFICIAL HIPSTER RUNOFF FACEBOOK PAGE, I have aggregated a list of ideas that could help to save Lana Del Rey's career. It is important to understand that these are just ideas, and some of them might be terrible, and actually just make her career even worse.
HOW CAN #LDR SAVE HER CAREER [VIA #SAVE_LDR]?
Get new/bigger lips
Sex Tape
Marry Ben Gibbard and get a tv show on FOX
Divorce Ben Gibbard
Star in a movie with that guy from 30 Rock from the Sunnies
'go Winehouse' on every1's ass to appeal to Brit gossip rag media
Tear up a picture of Carles on her next SNL performance
Fight Floyd Mayweather/ Manny Pacquaio
Buy some domains from her father
Collab with Kreayshawn
Learn how to die 2 be born
'Retire' from singing live
Female indie supergroup with Regine Chassagne, Maddie Follin, Alice Glass, Bethany Cosentino, and Vicki LeGrand
Become a member of Grizzly Bear
'Start shit' with some bitch
Do a performance on MadTV
Perform on the Carson Daly show so no1 will watch it
hit the gym
date a 'feeder', 'go Carnie Wilson on every1's ass'
Have gastric bypass surgery
Regain the weight
Join the Dirty Projjies so that Dave Longstreth can 'dom' her career/life
'go Kerouac' on every1's ass for a few years
Sign a modeling contract with Vivid Entertainment
Become a backup singer/dancer for Katy Perry
Get a job at Enterprise Rentacar, where she will have the tools to become her own boss
Give some1 important a 'BJ'
Date Courtney Love
Date Kanye West, get 'enormous ass' [via Amber Rose]
get an internship at Pitchfork.tv
Start her own cassette label so no1 will listen 2 her music
Date Ben Affleck, created relationship nickname "Lanaffleck"
Have a child so ppl will be nice to her and let her make a living
Have a fake baby with Jay-Z
Release an mp3 that hates on the haters
Become a 'symbol of strength for ugly people who don't fit in' like Lady Gaga
Jump on the 'anti-cyberbullying' campaign as a shield from cyberbullying
"More cowbell" meme
Ask Donald Glover for advice
Live in Europe
Use autotune
Marry Russell Brand
Show off her cha-chas
Shoot whipped cream out of her b00bz
Hire that Jimmy Fallon drummer guy as her backing band
Marry Tim Tebow
Pray 2 Tim Tebow
Ask for career advice from the man with the Golden Radio Voice
Join the rapegaze genre
Score the soundtrack of a violent, bro-wave video game
Date Andy Samberg
hire backup dancers
Hire a brand manager
hire random ethnic 'hype men' like Diplo
Hire rappers to do the pointless 'rap verse' in her songs
Build a time machine and tell Gorilla Vs. Bear not 2 post her music
Build a time machine and find a way to make the Lizzy Grant project successful
Go back in time and write the theme song 2 Dawson's Creek [via not wanting 2 wait 4 our lives' 2 be over]
Embrace the city as her church
Start bleepbloop band
'Go chillwave'
build a tribe of outspoken Tumblring, blogging and vlogging internet tweens to stand up 4 her
Send fruit baskets 2 her critics with flesh lights/huge black dildos so they can finally 'feel pleasure'
Release a Mountain Dew sponsored MP3 to get back her authenticity
Be open and honest about her intentions as an artist, stop being afraid to impose her artistic will on the opportunity that she has instead of letting other misguided ppl steer her career straight in2 the shitter.
How can Lana Del Rey save her career?
Does her career 'need saving'?
Do u believe in her?
Will she go on 2 sell 'mad albums' or is she 'completely effed'?
Does LDR have it all or have nothing?
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